Dealing with rejection as a writer
Why does it happen, and what can you do about it?
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Today I wanted to write about rejection. I know, even the word makes me die a little bit inside…But I hope by the end of this post you will feel less like that and more empowered. The idea of rejection is something that crops up again and again when speaking to writers. Hand on heart, I don’t think I know a single author who has not been rejected in some shape or form, so believe me when I say it is not uncommon and you are NOT alone!
There are lots of examples of famous writers piling up their rejection letters – our Hodder author Stephen King to name one very famous example (he talks about this in On Writing). However, we can’t all become household names (sadly!) and I think it’s also helpful to think about those who might not have gone on to stratospheric success but have overcome rejection – it’s the persistence part that truly matters.
One of the things that can be really tough for writers is feeling as though the rejection is personal – as though the editor or agent you submitted it to really hated your book, and/or you are therefore a terrible writer and should never touch a keyboard or pick up a pen again. However, as an editor I can say that in reality, this is highly unlikely. I can probably count on one hand the number of books on submission that I have ever strongly disliked or thought were actively bad – in nine times out of ten cases, I can completely see why another editor would like the book, but it’s just not quite right for me or for our list. That isn’t a line that we say for fun; it’s true. Before I was an editor, I was sometimes a little sceptical about that phrase, but now I know that it’s so important for the editor-author fit to be 100% right, and for me, I know it wouldn’t be fair to take on authors I am on the fence about. I have turned down some incredible books that have gone on to be bestsellers, and usually it’s because the editor who did take them on had a much stronger, clearer vision for the novel than I did. And, of course, the reverse is true - I’ve picked up books that others have turned down, and you really do only need one yes. Not every book goes to auction, even if it may feel that way from an outsider perspective.
Sometimes, the reason an editor might reject a novel could be something practical, such as if the book is a historical drama set in World War Two and we’ve just bought a WW2 book so that particular space for the next year has just been filled (this may sound reductive, but we have to think about where this book will sell, who to, and with what marketing and publicity resources - so to buy two very similar novels could dilute that messaging and resource and harm the first book’s chances of success, which wouldn’t be fair!) Sometimes, it could be that there’s something about the plot or idea of the novel that isn’t quite gelling for me but I still love the writing, and in that case I will usually ask the agent if the author has anything else up their sleeve. It really is very rare that I will strongly dislike the book – so when and if your next rejection comes in, try not to take it personally and instead think about the wider picture: focus on finding the right editor-author fit. If an editor has turned down your book, that means that they aren’t the right editor for you anyway, SO – you haven’t really lost out. I think the wrong editor-author partnership can be detrimental and what you want is a positive experience – someone who 100% ‘gets’ your novel.
Of course, sometimes you pour your whole heart into a manuscript and all the editors turn it down. This can feel really hard, but the key is to remember that this too is really common. I know writers who sold their second, third, fifth novels (rather than their debuts), and who have gone on to have huge success even after book one failed to sell. If a first novel doesn’t sell, then yes it could be that it isn’t strong enough yet. If you get useful feedback from anyone, have a think about how you can apply it to a second novel, and keep working on your craft. Sometimes, it might be that your book is excellent but the market isn’t ready for it yet, or it’s the wrong time - which is why it’s key to remember how much luck is involved in getting published. That can feel frustrating, but it can also feel liberating.
So, what can writers actually do to deal with the horror of rejection? I am listing some tips below - feel free to add your own in the comments and help other people too!
1. Keep it in perspective. Chances are, you have other things in your life aside from writing. It may not feel like it at times, but you do. You might have another job, a family, friends, exercise, hobbies – and all of those things are still there and still important even when the soul-crushing email comes through. Remind yourself of the outside world, the one that exists away from you and your laptop, and connect with another aspect of your life for a bit – ring a friend, visit a relative, buy some flowers so that your house looks nice. Do a really good job in your other role, if you’re balancing several jobs. Don’t focus on the rejection, and remind yourself that this is one part of your life – not all of it!
2. Let go of control. It can be super hard waiting to hear from other people about the status of your book, and it can be horrible being told that your book isn’t what a publisher wants. However, by that point, there’s not much you can do about it – the book is already out, you can’t make anyone read any faster, and no matter how many times you check your emails another one isn’t going to pop up just because you were waiting. Force yourself to let go of the book you’ve sent out; chances are you have done your absolute best on it, and if this one doesn’t sell, the next one easily could.
3. Write something else. If you can try to get your head into a new project, even if that’s a short story rather than a whole book, you will find that the pain of the rejection starts to lose it’s edge, just a little bit. When I was feeling really negative about writing I started writing some short stories, just for fun, and it really helped just remind me why I enjoy doing this – they weren’t for anyone else, they were just for me (in all honesty I would be quite embarrassed if anyone read them…!)
4. Tell yourself three positive things at the end of each day. This is something I was taught by a happiness coach who came in to do a talk at my old publishing company and I think it really works! These can be really small things (mine the other day was that I bought a new lip balm) but if you write down three every evening for a sustained period of time (even one week helps) it can counteract the negativity that writing rejection brings. It sounds silly and small but honestly I think it can be effective as the good things sort of begin to build up and you realise that there are little joys despite the fact that no-one has snapped up your book (yet…)
5. Be receptive. If you get constructive feedback from an editor or agent, take the time to really think it over. I did that and I’m so glad I did. It can be hard when someone turns down your book with a not-quite, but sometimes those not-quites can turn into deals (I bought an author’s book once which she rewrote after feedback). Rejections come in different forms but these are the good kind, and even if you don’t immediately agree with the suggestions or criticisms, at least think them through before making a snap decision.
6. Distract yourself with something completely different. Often the publishing and writing world can be quite all-consuming, especially if you’re a social media fan like I am, so if you’ve just had a disappointing rejection, don’t torture yourself by reading about the six-figure deals in The Bookseller or admiring someone else’s cover on Instagram. Do something non-publishing related – watch a rubbish TV show (or a good one – can recommend Happy Valley as the best crime show ever written IMHO), go for a run, go shopping, go visit somebody who never reads books and will be bored to death if you start talking about them. I guarantee you will feel better for it.
7. Don’t compare yourself. This links to the point above but came from a really trusted writer friend – comparison really is the root of all madness, especially in the book world. There will ALWAYS be someone more successful than you, and there will always be someone less successful. Thousands of books are published every year, and it is really, really not worth you getting caught up in comparing sales, jackets, Amazon rankings or book deals. Your writing is your own, your deal is your own, and you never really know what someone else’s writing experience has been because a lot of the time, people talk it up. That’s just a fact of life, and I personally believe that there is room in the world for as many books as we like (as long as we start treating the planet a bit better!) and so really, there’s no need for comparison. At best, it’s pointless. At worst, it’s really damaging to your self-esteem.
8.Let go of false assumptions about age. I often speak to writers who say that they are ‘too old’ to get published and I have to say I believe this is nonsense! I really don’t consider an author’s age when I buy a novel or get a manuscript into my inbox (it’s not as though we’re given their date of birth!) and there are so many examples of authors who are published for their first time in their fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties and even nineties! I promise. I went to a great talk from Miranda Cowley-Heller the other night (author of The Paper Palace, which I highly recommend) and she was talking about how she felt like a better writer in her fifties because she had more life experience. It’s not true that the industry only wants bright young things. Ignore that narrative and write your book!
9.Understand how this industry works! Aware I am plugging my own content here (!) but I’ve tried to shed light on how publishing acquisitions meetings work and I think the more you know as an author, the more empowered you will hopefully feel to understand that rejection isn’t personal, and that it can just be part of the process. I’ve also written about why it can take so long to hear back from publishers if you are on submission - hopefully showing you again that none of this is personal, and I’ve written a bit about book sales to show you what sorts of things editors need to consider. I hope these help you to form a wider picture of the industry, so that you can see that the decisions we make are rarely ever a reflection on you being a ‘bad writer’!
I hope these tips help anyone who is currently struggling with writerly rejections. I would also recommend the Literary Rejections website which I used to read all the time as a good source of inspiration and humour.
Thank you for reading The Honest Editor, and please message me if there is a topic you’d like me to cover, I am always open to ideas!
Have great weekends when they come.
Phoebe x
Great post! Lack of control is definitely what sends writers the craziest imo. And there's so much in publishing we can't control. Might as well try to get used to it. What helped me, and this is useful for being on sub to agents too, is to stop thinking of my novel like it's a cake I made (I made this delicious cake, everyone should love it, if they don't I'm a terrible baker) to thinking of it more like a glass slipper (there is only one right fit - one perfect agent/editor for this piece of work so it's a waiting game, until I find the one it fits.) As you say, we need an agent/editor who is all in, and passionate about the book! This shift in mindset makes all rejections positive as they're not the one it fits, so now you better chance of finding the one it does! I'm not saying it's easy to stay in that mindset but it helped me (and I got a brilliant result in the end!) 💫
These are all excellent! My go-tos out of these are distracting myself with rubbish tv (Real Housewives is good for this!) and writing something completely different - on the back of a heap of rejections I started doing a ‘free poem Friday’ where I’d write a little poem and leave copies out for people to take on their way past - writing something purely for joy really helped get out of the negative headspace and remember why I was doing it in the first place.